Not all break ups that result in divorce are acrimonious – following the demise of the Chris Martin/Gwyneth Paltrow relationship in 2014, divorce is seen differently with couples agreeing to move their lives forward separately whilst adopting an amicable approach to the whole process. With Gwyneth Paltrow taking the high ground and claiming that no-one was to blame, their relationship has moved full circle from friends, to loving partners and back to friends again.
Divorce is recognised as the second most traumatic experience after the death of a loved one, so people should expect to go through the same five stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and ultimately acceptance and all these stages take time.
Once you’ve started the ‘uncoupling process’, it’s always wise to have positive support around you to ensure you remain focused on the issues to be agreed and not allow yourself to be entrenched in negative and damaging behaviour that doesn’t help the process at all.
If children are involved, make a conscious effort to be as neutral as you can be, for their sake – children are under enough pressure when their parents decide to split and adding criticism of either parent or using them as a go-between doesn’t help their well-being in these situations.
Preparing yourself for that post-divorce life is also important – divorce is all about removing things from your life that aren’t working for you and whilst this action may resolve some issues, it can bring others – child care can be more complicated, finances can be more restricted but being prepared to contend with these issues will always help.
Another important strategy is to not let divorce define you as a person – whilst no-one enters into a marriage or civil partnership thinking at some point in the future they will divorce, they also shouldn’t feel as if they have failed if they find themselves taking this course of action.
The Martin/Paltrow break up whilst seeming to be odd at the beginning, has ended up being extremely civilised with even the signing of their divorce papers being delayed because they were on holiday together with their children in Peru.
At Battrick Clark we can’t stop separation or divorce being a difficult process, but we will do everything we can, to make it as straightforward as possible, make it a priority to be a lasting and sustainable solution and make it as ‘happy’ as possible.
So if you’re looking to ‘consciously uncouple’ contact Lynda Merrell-Jones at Battrick Clark on 0117 973 1391.